Crunch: The Commission
Writing Exercise #40
I posted this note with a few prompts in response to
’s call for prompts!I decided to take a dose of my own medicine and see what I could do with it—and if possible, maybe combine all three?
If you have ideas for Prompts, Crunches, Sprints, Relays, Stretches, or other writing exercises in the future, please leave them in the comments! If you would like to write your own take for this exercise, please comment with a link so that I can see what you wrote and support your work, maybe even share your version with my subscribers. Please let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or constructive criticisms as well!
Enjoy!
Crunch: Write about a father’s heirloom I didn’t want, but which my father insisted.
I knew this moment was coming for a long time. My Father gradually getting more and more excited as my 18th birthday approached. I knew he would want to give me what he got for his 18th birthday, and what his father got for his 18th birthday.
A commission on a surveyor ship.
The day of my birthday finally arrived. My mother and siblings had gathered and assembled some presents, and my father was dressed in his Navy uniform—apparently also part of the tradition.
He couldn’t wait—before I got to the other gifts, he had to make his the first thing. He had been excited about this for so long.
“Here, son.” He said, handing me a piece of paper. “It’s my honor on this day to give you your very own commission, with the surveyor ship Observator.”
“Dad…” I had been avoiding thinking about this moment for weeks, and now I found myself unprepared.
“Dad, I don’t want it.”
He took a step back, like I had slapped him in the face. “What?”
“I want to chart my own path. I don’t want to waste four years in a tin can in space. I like feeling the Sun, the wind, the rain, the clouds…”
“Son, our family comes from a long line of Surveyors! You know how many stars our family alone have surveyed? Hundreds! Do you know how few are left for you? You don’t know how good you have it!”
I held my ground—I knew I was invoking a far older tradition. The tradition of telling one’s father ‘no’.
(250 words )
The Promptee Has Become The Promptor
Your feedback helps to improve my writing. I would really appreciate a comment on your thoughts on this writing exercise. Consider telling me your thoughts about:
Do you have a family business? Are you a part of it, or did you do your own thing?
Would you have volunteered to be an explorer?
Have you ever had astronaut food?
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy! Come back next week for another writing exercise!
Have you taken a look at the section called “The Volume” recently? All my longer-form stories are kept there! Be sure to take a look and catch up on any stories you’ve missed!
Thank you and God bless!
That last line omg.
No, only in my dreams, and no, respectively. My dad worked for a big company as a computer programmer; when you call your bank and you get the automated voice menu that tells you to press one for checking, two for savings, etc.? He'd help banks set that up, and particularly if one bank was taking over another bank, he'd help them switch or upgrade systems.
I couldn't do that. I've got a cousin who's a lawyer though, so maybe legal's going to be the family business now. :)