Republish: The Hero's Journey
From The Archive
Enjoy! Or rather—don’t, this was awful!
Act I – Departure
“Why do you look so tired?” The Manager asks over what is possibly their third mug of coffee. I look at my watch: 7:30am. “Mondays, right?” I respond.
“You need to get more rest on the weekends. I used to hate Mondays like you, but then…”
As The Manager waxes philosophical on the benefits of weekends, I pour my first mug of coffee of the day. My conversational evasive maneuvers have failed.
“… so my wife and I we went to the store and we bought what I think they call an inversion table so…”
I take my first sip of the day.
***
“Accounting, how can I help you?” I pick up the phone.
“Hi yes I’m looking to get a purchase order requisition approved.”
“Alright what’s the department code?”
“Department code?”
“Yes, department code. What are you purchasing this item for? Who is using it?”
“I am not sure, I was asked to get the approval.”
“I don’t approve PO’s nor requisitions.”
“Wait, that’s two things?”
“Yes? What department are you in lets start there.”
“Central Region finance.”
“OK, and who asked you to get approval?”
“Chuck Chalmers.”
“Alright can you go ask Chuck what the department code is that he’s purchasing for?”
“Sure one second I’ll call you back.”
***
I hear a knock on the door. It’s The Manager. “Hey, buddy.”
“Hi, what can I do for you?”
“Well, you see, I just got a call from Chuck, down in central. You know Chuck?”
“I’ve heard of him, anyway.”
“He says you won’t approve his Purchase Order requisition.”
“Their guy who called didn’t have the department code.”
“He didn’t have the department code?”
“Right, I can’t approve anything without knowing where to find it. I need the department code. Then whether it’s a Purchase Order or a Requisition, I can look it up and find out how to approve it.”
“You know, we try to be proactive here. Our job is to help people. Why don’t you give your contact a call back, and find out how you can help get the department code.”
“But that’s not really my job, right?”
“other duties as assigned covers–“
“I have other things I’m working on, though.”
“How long could this take?”
Act II – Initiation
“Hi, this is Accounting calling you back.”
“Ah, hey. I talked to Chuck. He didn’t have the department code either.”
“Yeah I just heard about it.”
“From who?”
“My Manager.”
“Oh. Sorry. I’m just trying to get it approved.”
“So what information do you have?”
“Well, it’s for a chair.”
“Chair, great, I can work with that. Whose chair is it?”
“It doesn’t say.”
“What doesn’t say?”
“The requisition.”
“So you have the requisition?”
“Yes!”
“Can you send that to me? I might be able to get some information off of it.”
“Will do!”
***
“Hi, Debbie, how are you this morning?”
“What can I help you with, dear?”
“You work with Accounts Payable, right? I’m trying to find some backup on a requisition.”
“Let me see what you have. Hmmm. No you need our purchasing agent, Peter. “
“Great, how do I get a hold of Peter?”
“He works remotely from Wyoming, so he’s probably not at work yet.”
“If this was time sensitive who would I talk to?”
“Vivian is Peters manager, you could try her? But I would try Peter first, don’t want to go up the chain you know.”
“Yeah ok. Thank you for your help!”
***
“Hey, it’s accounting again.”
“Hey, did you find anything out?”
“Not yet. Just wanted to check if there’s a tight timeline on this? I sent an email to someone who might help.”
“Chuck wanted it today if possible.”
“And if it’s not possible?”
“…I think he still wants it today.”
“Great… just great”
***
Hi there, I got your email. I’m really not sure why you’re sending this to me. Debbie should be able to handle this, and besides, I deal with Purchase Orders not requisitions. What you’ve got there is a requisition. I would help you if I could! Thanks, -Peter
“I don’t know what to tell you Deb, that’s what he said. Am I asking for the wrong thing?”
“No no no. This is very easy. You forward this to Vivian and tell her that Peter is refusing to help you.”
“He said he would if he could.”
“No we get this all the time. Every other question is ‘not his job’ or he ‘doesn’t have the info he needs’. He’s been a problem from day one. Email Vivian.”
***
“Accounting, How can I help you?”
“What is this email about?”
“Hi is this…Vivian?”
“Yes. What is this email about?”
“So, Chuck, down in Central, is trying to get–“
“I don’t deal with Chuck. Are you trying to throw Peter under the bus, saying we’re not doing our jobs?”
“What, no!”
“You should have sent this through your manager. I shouldn’t have to deal with inane requests like this all day.”
“I–yes ma’am. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”
***
“Yes? Ah, please, come in, you get that approval situation figured out?”
“Well, no, see, that’s what I came to ask you about.”
“No? Listen I just need you to take this one thing off my plate. It’s a simple approval! We’re trying to provide customer service to these folks, they don’t know the inner machinations of a corporate HQ. They just need a little hand holding.”
“Right, but I talked to–“
“No no, I don’t want to hear excuses. This is a learning opportunity. Come back to me when it’s done.”
***
“He said that?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Well can you go back and tell him what’s going on?”
“He never listens.”
“Gotta try. He’s the road block right now. Listen Chuck is going to ask me for this, anything you can do would be great.”
“Alright I’ll try.”
***
“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you again, but I really need your help.”
“Ok, ok. What can I do for you?”
“This got all the way through AP to Vivian, the Purchasing Agent manager. She said she doesn’t deal with it, that it’s something you need to do.”
“Me? I don’t understand why AP never lifts a finger. What do you have?”
“Just this.”
“That should be enough to go on. Let me take care of it.”
Act III – Return
“Here you go. I got it approved, they should see it hit the books in a few days.”
“Wow! Thank you very much!”
“We’re going to have to have a chat about customer service, though. This didn’t need to come back to me, and I ended up having to solve this simple problem for you. I need you to help take some things off my plate.”
“Uh, yes sir. Absolutely. I really appreciate your help.”
“No problem.”
***
“You got it!”
“Hey, that’s great news!”
“Should hit the books in a couple days.”
“Thank you so much. I’ll go tell Chuck.”
You know, after all this, I’m just glad I could get something done. Big organizations are large and unwieldy, but maybe in my little corner I can help get things done.
“Accounting, how can I help you?”
“Hey bud, what’s up.” It’s The Manager!
“Not much, what can I help you with?”
“I just wanted to follow up on that TPS report we talked about.”
“I’m going to get that to you in a little bit.”
“A little bit? I need this ASAP, I thought I mentioned that. What have you been working on all morning?”
Infuriating. Hilarious. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with too many of these situations in my line of work!
As the words diffused through my eyes and to my brain-I envisioned former coworkers and office settings...it was all too real!! Fun read.