YES. JUST YES. This version really seriously works for me. The expanded emotional core, the introduction of who we're running from, the absolutely gut-punch ending.
Loved the expended beginning, Scoot! The pace really picks up quickly once they realize who’s after them, which makes a lot of sense to me -basically as Rymund’s resting heart rate likely increases 😅
Thank you so much for the grammatical edits--I learned some hints for when I should use a comma and when I should not. That will help me be a LITTLE more deliberate with at least one grammatical element! Really glad you enjoyed the expanded story!
Even though this expanded version felt a tad slow in the beginning, that dream sequence was 🔥. I think the bounty hunter still works even if they are meeting for the first/last time. To me, a bounty hunter is pretty straight forward, and I think you set it up in a way that shows this was the worse possibly one to go against; which I don't think requires back story unless I wanted to know more about how the bounty hunter became the bounty hunter. But, that's just me.
The story was fascinating to begin with but you out did yourself here sir. I too was thrilled by the dream sequence and felt like the pacing was excellent.
But I really can’t get over the open feedback and critique that helped to elevate you here.
“No man is and island,” right? We can’t write on our own. Seeing this play out partially in the open is the wholesome content I’ve always wanted from the internet. And I’ll be mushy enough to say it gives me hope. As I’m dipping my toes into fiction writing here I’m encouraged to actively see writers lifting each other up and producing stories like this. The future is indeed bright here.
Obviously late (came here from your note on the musical inspiration) but the point of view changes in the first couple of lines and that threw me for a loop. Otherwise I’m very happy to learn how friggin terrifying Black Zaelland is, especially with Duel dropping tonight!
This is deeply gratifying, thank you so much. Yes I wanted to leave the Bounty Hunter ambiguous, but force of nature is exactly what I was going for.
Absolutely chuffed. Thank you!
YES. JUST YES. This version really seriously works for me. The expanded emotional core, the introduction of who we're running from, the absolutely gut-punch ending.
BRAVO.👏
Couldn't ask for better feedback. Thank you so much for your help with the first draft and for this comment on the second 🙏
Loved the expended beginning, Scoot! The pace really picks up quickly once they realize who’s after them, which makes a lot of sense to me -basically as Rymund’s resting heart rate likely increases 😅
Need a BPM for every line of the story 😂
Thank you so much for the grammatical edits--I learned some hints for when I should use a comma and when I should not. That will help me be a LITTLE more deliberate with at least one grammatical element! Really glad you enjoyed the expanded story!
Even though this expanded version felt a tad slow in the beginning, that dream sequence was 🔥. I think the bounty hunter still works even if they are meeting for the first/last time. To me, a bounty hunter is pretty straight forward, and I think you set it up in a way that shows this was the worse possibly one to go against; which I don't think requires back story unless I wanted to know more about how the bounty hunter became the bounty hunter. But, that's just me.
R.I.P. Rymund and Peter.
Fantastic, Walther. Thank you very much for this! Really happy you enjoyed it!
I was nervous about the dream sequence but needed a way to set up that this guy was terrifying, so I am glad it worked!
The story was fascinating to begin with but you out did yourself here sir. I too was thrilled by the dream sequence and felt like the pacing was excellent.
But I really can’t get over the open feedback and critique that helped to elevate you here.
“No man is and island,” right? We can’t write on our own. Seeing this play out partially in the open is the wholesome content I’ve always wanted from the internet. And I’ll be mushy enough to say it gives me hope. As I’m dipping my toes into fiction writing here I’m encouraged to actively see writers lifting each other up and producing stories like this. The future is indeed bright here.
Thank you so much. I am a pay-it-forward kind of guy so I am rearin’ to help Fictionstack get lifted up! Can’t wait to see your work, Derek!
This is really great! I'm looking forward to reading more of this story.
🧐
And now you know!
The electronic voice gives me the creeps.
Obviously late (came here from your note on the musical inspiration) but the point of view changes in the first couple of lines and that threw me for a loop. Otherwise I’m very happy to learn how friggin terrifying Black Zaelland is, especially with Duel dropping tonight!