Crunch: The Clappening

Writing Exercise #35

This exercise was inspired by a running gag where

Michael S. Atkinson

and I will wish people happy birthday. I will tee-up some ominous clapping in the distance, filling you with dread like when they do this at a restaurant, and Michael will deliver his expertly conceived copyright-free Happy Birthday song.

Sara Dietz

observed this and requested a special Writing Exercise commemorating this gag (click thru to see it in action).

If you have ideas for Prompts, Crunches, Sprints, Relays, Stretches, or other writing exercises in the future, please leave them in the comments! If you would like to write your own take for this exercise, please comment with a link so that I can see what you wrote and support your work, maybe even share your version with my subscribers. Please let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or constructive criticisms as well!

Enjoy!

Crunch: Ominous Birthday Clapping begins in an attic you didn’t know you had

Every Year, for as long as Hal could remember, he had been forced to endure that horrible, horrible tradition of unlicensed birthday jingles at restaurants. Somehow, that had been the tradition and it followed him his whole life. One year he would think he has relief, and then off in the kitchens, clapping begins, and then a horrifically long line of servers wend their way through the restaurant to surround my table, and sing their birthday jingle to me, to the amusement of the whole restaurant.

It was awful, and Hal hated it. Even after he had moved away from his parents, it had accidentally happened on each of his birthdays. He would try telling people not to mention it, he would try not telling anyone his real birthday and then made the mistake of ordering a beer one time—when they checked his ID, the gig was up.

So THIS year, Hal had planned well in advance. He had scheduled to take time off from work. He told his friends he was traveling. He could be perfectly isolated in his peaceful house. All his planning had paid off for this. Hal reviewed his scheme in his mind the night before his birthday, as he climbed into bed. Nothing, no one, would disturb him.

= = =

He woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and invigorated. That afternoon, he made himself a simple lunch. He spoke to his family who called and wished a mundane birthday.

In the evening, he had this…nervous tingling on the back of his neck. Something wasn’t right. He went to his living room to watch a movie, but before  he could sit down with popcorn, he heard it.

A distant, ominous, clapping noise.

Clap clap clap

No, he thought, it’s impossible. It was the perfect plan!

Clap clap clap; they echoed louder

How can this be? How did they get into my house?

Clap clap clap as they descended the stairs

“NOOOOOO!” Hal screamed, as a line of waiters and waitresses emerged in his living room, wearing silly hats, carrying a cupcake with a single candle in it.

Oh we hear that it’s your birthday! 
      The day that you were born! 
We hope you have a good one! 
      So say the Scootleswarm!

(378 words your rules can’t confine me)

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The Promptee Has Become The Promptor

Your feedback helps to improve my writing. I would really appreciate a comment on your thoughts on this writing exercise. Consider telling me your thoughts about:

1. Do you enjoy or hate the restaurant birthday jingles?

2. Do you have any birthday traditions?

3. What is your favorite birthday dessert?

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Photo by Kyle Head on Unsplash

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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy! Come back next week for another writing exercise!

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