27 Comments

Centuries ago no one knew about "blood-stained ID and plenty of his DNA." My only quibble.

Very effective piece, achieving the appropriate chill.

I have seen ghost buster. S'mores of course. I have no desire to encounter a ghost.

Here's why.

Crunch: Dear Departed

A middle-aged woman with greying hair and a red bathrobe stood in her mother's bedroom packing her suitcase. It was a large room with twin beds that could be pushed together to make one king-sized bed, and slightly fusty wallpaper decorated with little purple and blue violets. Quality turn of the century maple furniture had seen a lot of use, and a lamp made of milk glass illuminated the room, casting long shadows.

The house was silent. The woman cried silently. Her mother had died just a few days before in this very room, from a massive heart attack. It was very hard to witness her mother's death and the memories kept flashing through her mind.

Now she was packing to meet her husband in Hawaii. He was serving in Viet Nam and had been given R & R to go to Hawaii because of his wife's loss. They had not seen each other in 8 months.

She picked up a white negligee to fold it for the suitcase. Suddenly a wind blew through the open window, and the dog growled. Her hair stood on end. A hollow voice said, "Have a good time in Hawaii, honey."

She grabbed the dog and ran.

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Wow, Ann! What a story! Thank you so much for sharing this!

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It's true.

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Did that happen to you???

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My mother. It was my grandmother who had died.

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I was wondering where your "centuries ago" comment came from so I went up and sure enough--"centuries ago" right there! Maybe I intended this to be in the far future, maybe I forgot that line was there, but I am duly admonished. Thank you for pointing that out!

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Very good, Ann!

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Super spooky! Very fun read. I think dialogue is such a powerful tool with bite size stories like these. Handsome Harry really jumped off the page.

To answer your other questions:

1. I have never gone out ghost hunting. I've visited haunted places, but haven't really experienced anything. I find the tv shows about it entertaining haha

2. It's been so long since I've seen Ghost Busters. I might have to rewatch and then try the gender-swap reboot. Have you seen the new Ghost Busters movie? Is it good?

3. I like a classic smores, but with a twist. Instead of herseys chocolate, I like to add a reeses. Yum!

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Glad you liked it, Thank you so much!

I haven't seen anything in the Ghost Busters canon aside from the original movie and it's been a long time! I didn't even realize there's a new movie out! I should look it up, because the original was fun.

Reeses, what a twist, going to have to suggest that at the next fire-circle, thats clever!

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You absolutely should! You won't ever go back

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I haven't seen Ghostbusters, but I'm training our two year old to scream "GHOSTBUSTERS" when I say "Who ya gonna call?" - does that count??

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oooh, teaching your children references that you yourself have not seen?! ADMONISHED! Rectify that quickly!

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"I was expecting my voice to echo in the empty room, but the thick darkness absorbed the sound." Now that's a stir right there. Thick darkness is quiet the image. Thanks for showing us that.

I've never been "ghost hunting" but have been in situations I should not have been in. Have definitely visited haunted places and even worked in a haunted building during my summers on Tybee Island, Ga. Never seen anything but have definitely heard strange inexplicable sounds in some of those places.

I've seen Ghostbusters but it's been years and I don't truly remember the film.

And s'mores are the obvious go-to campfire snack. And I'll echo Reina with the Reese suggestion. I don't do that every time but it is delicious.

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Mixing unusual adjectives is always a fun trick of writing. Really glad you enjoyed this!

My mind is absolutely blown, the Reeses thing--never in my life has that thought occurred to me. Got to try it soon!

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Even ghosts have ghosts, meta-ghosts if you will. Terrifying thought and a chilling ending. Well written all round, good names, well paced, not a word wasted, thanks for posting!

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Thank you so much, Redd! That is high praise, really glad you enjoyed it!

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Handsome Harry gave the impression of a friendly ghost and the twist of a nefarious ghost sealed the spookiness in. (I realised 'good names' was a little vague, haha).

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The idea was that whatever killed Harry had trapped him there, so not only did they find Harry but they found whatever Harry found as well 😂 Glad you liked the names haha thank you for clarifying!

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That's what I thought was the case.

I remembered your Note (I think it was a note, might have been a post) about feedback that should be more than just 'Great!' and give detail and whatnot.

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So I shouldn't get points for creating it. I was merely reporting.

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True story, inspired by Ann's comment, but not quite as spooky as hers:

During the day, the cabin and the woods surrounding it were as charming as any fairytale. Birds chirped, squirrels argued, the aspens quaked in the wind, and the stream sang its lovely, if monotonous, tune. At night, however, all the sweet things went to bed and the heavy darkness, unrestrained by city lights, consumed the mountainside.

There were four bedrooms, but we put all of the children to bed in the room next to ours. I liked having them close. It was at that moment when you are sliding out of consciousness but haven't quite left it entirely when it all happened, and all at once. The door, open several inches so that the children could come in, slammed shut. The motion-sensor night light, situated so that you would have to walk into the bathroom or already be in the bathroom to set it off, turned on. And the baby monitor started beeping. It only did that if the other end was unplugged. My husband and I looked at each other briefly before I shoved him out of bed.

"The kids!" I said. I flipped on the lamp and waited anxiously for him to return. A few moments later, he did.

"Well?"

"Everything is fine. The monitor is on and plugged in."

A moment passed filled only with racing heartbeats.

"Maybe it was the wind?"

"Probably."

We slept with the lamp on for the rest of the night.

Never been ghost hunting, though I did go on a ghost tour in Edinburgh once and that was...something! Spooky. It was spooky.

Have seen Ghost Busters, love it. When my children are cranky we like to say "There is no [insert cranky child's name], only Zuul."

S'mores are lovely, but I tend to appreciate the mallow on it's own, so long as it is toasted to perfection, of course.

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That is a spooky story! Oh man, I would be on the way home in 10 minutes after that!

That's hilarious your children make Zuul references 😂

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The kids don't get it (still a little young for Ghost Busters), but we do, so it's a nice parental inside joke haha

Everything looked better in the morning, but sure left me unsettled for a while there 😅

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p.s. I feel silly asking, because I feel like I should know, but what is a "crunch"? I mean, I think I get the gist of it contextually, but could you help a new girl out and give me the actual definition? 😅

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Hahaha sorry--this was established early in my history and I've grown a lot since then, I should do better about explaining it!

This is an "Exercise" in the "writing Gym" so a "crunch" is a short exercise that doesn't take very long to complete--a 250 word story. I have some other names for different kinds of exercises, I was expecting to write a wider variety, but I've settled on Crunches because they are easiest.

I think a "Sprint" is a 5 minute writing challenge, while a "Jog" is a 20 minute writing challenge, I think I had something else for writing a 500 word or 1,000 word challenge too. "Relay" is when I'm given a first line and have to "relay" the rest of the story, things like that.

Thank you so much for reading!

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Ha! I love it!

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Loved it, Scoot!

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