One question does spring to mind: is Black Zaelland the only one of his kind in existence, or are there others? If I were James, I might want to check on that, just in case Gerard had some nasty backups hidden in the basement.
I like the way you combined several detectives into James. The lavish spending by a poor man of Fletch-- and his humorous wisecracks. The crossing of legal lines and the swagger of Rockford. The prefiguring of how the trial would go that Columbo was good at. But, it struck me that Gerard caved too easily when he still had options to escape.
If you novelize/publish this, Scoot, I'd love to see a little bit of Gerard at the beginning that really shows he's a coward at heart, and that's why he sends BZ to do all his dirty work for him. I think that dynamic has the potential to be really, really strong.
Great final confrontation!! I love this! And I realized that McElroy had been paying attention to all those clues that I thought only DB431 was smart enough to grasp. He has become cool!
Question: Who was your favorite character or what was your favorite scene to write?
Hmm. I'm going to be honest, and I'll probably earn marks against me for going against the grain, but the ending feels anticlimactic. Everything here is still well written and well paced, still carries on that pulpy noir feel akin to a sci-fi Dick Tracy, but it doesn't feel like we've reached a natural endpoint to the story so much as it feels like we slammed on the brakes. James holding onto Zaelland's body as part of his plan to corner Gerard is a solid one, but the win comes too easy, like we're dropping a hopeful and happy ending at the halfway mark instead of seeing the full story through. Gerard's been painted as a powerful and influential businessman throughout the course of this story. I find it hard to believe he'd up and surrender just because police were on the way, especially after he already covered up his brother's murder and likely paid off the police in the process to do that.
I really think there's more left to be told in this story. I think James still has challenges to face in dealing with Gerard, an opponent that feels like he should be even more dangerous than Black Zaelland due to the fact that he's clever, influential, wealthy, and was hinted at having the system on his side in the early chapters. Unfortunately, it feels like the real conflict between James and Gerard was cut short, which is a shame since there's so much wonderful potential in pitting the clever gumshoe against the cunning and ruthless business magnate.
One question does spring to mind: is Black Zaelland the only one of his kind in existence, or are there others? If I were James, I might want to check on that, just in case Gerard had some nasty backups hidden in the basement.
I like the way you combined several detectives into James. The lavish spending by a poor man of Fletch-- and his humorous wisecracks. The crossing of legal lines and the swagger of Rockford. The prefiguring of how the trial would go that Columbo was good at. But, it struck me that Gerard caved too easily when he still had options to escape.
If you novelize/publish this, Scoot, I'd love to see a little bit of Gerard at the beginning that really shows he's a coward at heart, and that's why he sends BZ to do all his dirty work for him. I think that dynamic has the potential to be really, really strong.
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A satisfying chapter! This felt a touch Agatha Christie, I loved it
McElroy is fearless. I like that in a hero.
Great final confrontation!! I love this! And I realized that McElroy had been paying attention to all those clues that I thought only DB431 was smart enough to grasp. He has become cool!
Question: Who was your favorite character or what was your favorite scene to write?
Gotta love a good final mystery reveal! This is very fun and gives James a very fun and satisfying detective monologue.
Very satisfying. Loved the bit about habeas corpus 😂 I’m still not entirely sure I trust Bridgett though..
Hmm. I'm going to be honest, and I'll probably earn marks against me for going against the grain, but the ending feels anticlimactic. Everything here is still well written and well paced, still carries on that pulpy noir feel akin to a sci-fi Dick Tracy, but it doesn't feel like we've reached a natural endpoint to the story so much as it feels like we slammed on the brakes. James holding onto Zaelland's body as part of his plan to corner Gerard is a solid one, but the win comes too easy, like we're dropping a hopeful and happy ending at the halfway mark instead of seeing the full story through. Gerard's been painted as a powerful and influential businessman throughout the course of this story. I find it hard to believe he'd up and surrender just because police were on the way, especially after he already covered up his brother's murder and likely paid off the police in the process to do that.
I really think there's more left to be told in this story. I think James still has challenges to face in dealing with Gerard, an opponent that feels like he should be even more dangerous than Black Zaelland due to the fact that he's clever, influential, wealthy, and was hinted at having the system on his side in the early chapters. Unfortunately, it feels like the real conflict between James and Gerard was cut short, which is a shame since there's so much wonderful potential in pitting the clever gumshoe against the cunning and ruthless business magnate.