Letters From Armin: Chaos and Crisis

Selected Letters of Armin R. Tolor, No. 12

This is Selected Letters of Armin R. Tolor, a serial which will release every three weeks. To catch up on past letters, see The Index. For information on the illustrations, see the footnote¹

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Dear Mary,

This time has been a nightmare. I will try to explain each of the three crises as if they are unrelated, but they are very much overlapping and comingled.

Regarding Catherine. I agonized over telling father, but I did not intend to keep my engagement a secret for more than a few days—it was only the sudden shock of this news which held my tongue for longer. And yet—I spoke with Catherine, and we are agreed—I had to tell Father, despite the grief.

It was like pouring gasoline on a raging fire. His rage was astonishing. He exiled me from Nordhaus for a few days, then Mother invited me back, only to entrap me in another argument with Father. I am…shocked by his reaction. I understand it, but it still alarms me. Is this how Fathers treat their sons? Imagine the prodigal son returning home and receiving this welcome. It has disturbed me deeply. Yet I am glad for having gotten the news out there.

The anger is in conformity with Fathers desire for control. None of his plans are bearing fruit. And Lars’ death is not even the result of any planning or decision—he was simply whisked away, according to God’s impenetrable but perfect will. Father’s anger has not allowed us time to grieve a beloved brother. He has become fixated on me as heir to the County of Weyand, and insists that I terminate the engagement out of obedience and duty to House Tolor. This is the second crisis.

Nordhaus has ever been a barracks, a training grounds, a school, but never a home. Father never loved me the way he loved Lars, the way he loved and hated Ella. Only now—now that he has no other options, now that all his other children have their futures decided (or tragically cut short), does Father suddenly become attentive to his lesser son, Armin.

Even so—I struggle with my obligations as son. What are my obligations? Am I fulfilling them? Can I fulfill them while married to Catherine? Catherine and I have struggled with this question—she doesn’t see why I should agonize over duty to my parents, yet despite their shortcomings they are my parents. I have always loved them more than they have loved me. I don’t wish ill for them—yet how do we move forward amicably? Is it even possible?

The third and all-consuming crisis is the all-out war over Maristo. It has inflamed beyond all possibilities. The King, it is rumored, is coming here to settle the conflict once and for all. The Maristo Navy is skirmishing with ships in orbit, and preventing safe travel to and fro. Trade has been interrupted. The other Dukes of Tilade are putting pressure on our Duke to settle this before the King arrives.

Father actually sent a request for an audience with the King. Why? It is unfathomable. He has played no part in this. I hope the King rejects the request out of hand.

Nordhaus is not the same as it once was. You had the best years of it, and left before it fell apart. You get the last laugh on all of us, dear sister.

I miss you every day.

Your loving brother,

-Armin

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1. Illustrations were created on commission by

The Chronicler

. If you are interested in commissioning The Chronicler to create artwork for your own project, see this page HERE.