Duel Retrospective

Learning About Writing By Writing

Well, That Happened

WOW. What a ride the last 13 weeks¹ have been! In this article, I am going to kind of do a post-op analysis/debrief about how this serial went, try to distill lessons you can learn when you work on your own serials, think about the future of both Duel and future serials, and answer some questions you submitted in the last two episodes of the series.

Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash

Before I get to anything else, I owe you all a BIG BIG THANK YOU. I cannot tell you enough how much your readership has meant to me. Some of you subscribed to Gibberish when I announced this project, some of you joined midway through. Some of you read through the whole thing live as it happened, others are catching up. Your readership made this so much fun. I will outline some challenges I had with the project, but honestly the hard parts were so dramatically outweighed by how much fun it was to publish for you here on Substack.

Week after week you showed up and you soaked up the story and had fun with the characters and I felt the love. I had published a serial before notes launched, and so before I had a sizeable audience, so I had no idea how this would go.

You, dear readers, can give yourselves a round of applause. I couldn’t have done this without you, and I am so very grateful for all of you. Thank you and God bless you.

Duel In The Rear-View

Taking a moment to think, big picture, of how this project went—I consider it a resounding success. I learned a lot about how I write, I learned a lot about what you readers enjoy, and I am confident I can grow and learn as I move to my next projects. I’m going to divide this review into “what worked” and “what didn’t” rather than go episode by episode because I didn’t take notes² and I probably should have.

What Didn’t Work

Starting with the challenges so we can end on a positive note.

• Outlining. The way I plan is very loosey goosey, so I had a plan, I did not have an outline. As a result I wrote myself into some corners which I struggled to get out of. I also didn’t have the details of Gerard’s crimes figured out until maybe 3 episodes before the thing finished. I needed to have that in the beginning so I could do a bit more setting up the problem and resolution.

• Weekly Writing. All too often, maybe a preponderance of episodes, I was scrambling to write Thursday Night what would publish Friday Evening. I did not enjoy this and it did not feel like my best work. As a result, some episodes felt like they could have been combined, and I would then have been able to use an episode to resolve a problem or two that arose from not having an outline.

• Lets talk about some of these corners I got into. TYRONE! Tyrone’s conveniently timed appearance was not expected when I started writing.

  • I honestly didn’t realize I needed Tyrone in the story until it was clear that DB431 would get shot. The episode where James McElroy is lamenting the hopelessness of his case from the side of the road on the outskirts of New Chalcedon was a kind of allegory for ME not knowing where to take the story. Tyrone helped unravel a lot of problems, but because I didn’t establish their relationship before he conveniently arrived, his arrival was jarring and I was justifiably called out by keen readers.

  • I was able to recover from this fumble, but it left me with other challenges to resolve.

• Black Zaelland. My original vision for this story was to kind of pitch Black Zaelland as more of a foil to McElroy. One of the climactic realizations I hoped for McElroy was that he would realize he and Zaelland were two sides of the same coin, and that he should choose to reject that life. Because I chose to use exclusively James’ perspective, Black Zaelland didn’t play as big of a role as I hoped he would. I wanted him to be scary, a force of nature, an intimidating foe. I set him up that way in other stories set in what I called the “Bounty Hunt Canon” which is the name for the Dark Sci-Fi I’ve written. So I wanted more screen time and more force to Black Zaelland, and I did what I could, but I felt like I could have done more with better planning.

• Gerard Bergenz. I knew this was a problem from the get-go. Because I didn’t begin with a fleshed out understanding of his crimes, I couldn’t set up and then reveal the nature of his crimes very well. No one called me out on this, but in my sci-fi there’s legal and social taboos for Cyborgs and I threw that in there but it didn’t land with any umph because I didn’t establish it earlier. I said it was true and so it was accepted as true. Likewise, the final confrontation was a game of wits rather than a game of violence (as with Black Zaelland), because Gerard’s wits were his greatest weapon. He pulled the gun, but racing through his mind was—look at all these witnesses, how can I get out of it? How can I keep control of the company. What can I do to keep playing the game. Because I didn’t develop Gerard more, you readers didn’t have a sense that that was how he was thinking. In a novelization, Gerard needs to be developed more.

• Bridgett Bergenz. I was SURPRISED by how many strays poor Bridgett caught in the comments! You all DID NOT TRUST HER. And I get that, and she suffered from a similar problem where I invite her into the story and then whisk her away leaving James and DB431 to figure everything out for the rest of the serial. I always intended for her to be an innocent, sympathetic character, so your suspicion makes me think I didn’t establish that well enough.

• Style and Voice. I worried a lot about making sure James reads consistently from episode to episode. I don’t know how well I established this, but no one complained too dramatically. I think his voice evolved as his story did, but I think further characterization would help pin him down more.

• Location and Time Continuity. Somewhere along the way I decided to use a 24 hour time convention and then I forgot and stopped doing that. I thought this serial might explore more locations but it remained in New Chalcedon. I should have specified districts, because then it would have changed more. It ended up not serving the story other than as an aesthetic inclusion for noir-style storytelling, so if it’s important to include I should make it a little less broad so it tells the reader something useful.

• Delay. I had the substance of this idea cooked up in August, after

  David Sheley
  ’s image prompt gave McElroy and DB431 their debut in the story Nameless. I was afraid to start, so waffled and hedged for a few months. Necessary—I moved in September, and that proved to be a herculean undertaking, so the delay worked but I always tell folks “Begin before your ready” and I didn’t do that myself. I didn’t need to delay quite so much!

What Worked Well

• DB431! OH MAN if there’s a win from this story it’s that DB431 became such a beloved character. When I started the story I wasn’t sure if he was going to live, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill him off after seeing how much he resonated with you all.

• I Did The Thing! When I started, I hedged by saying I would publish once every other week, and I also under-estimated 9 episodes instead of 12. With only ONE hiccup, I published every week for 12 weeks. An outline would have showed me better how many episodes I needed; I shouldn’t have hedged with every other week. I CAN DO THIS. It has been proven now! No excuses to hedge going forward.

• The Story Worked! It didn’t come off as too cheesy nor too philosophical. I was able to introduce some ideas, expand the broader universe of Sandbox Earth, and keep readers engaged. I enjoyed cutting off episodes at good cliff-hangers and a few of you commented that you noticed that.

• Hype Machine! Using the preview images was a really fun way of hyping up this series, and making them black and white helped me get into the noir feel of things. I don’t know if you noticed but I used color images for the last 2—the departure from noir and entry into the broader universe.

What Will I Do Differently?

I promised in the December Update that I will write a serial in 2024 about Byron the Blackpage, a fantasy serial. An outline will help me dramatically, I have learned, so that’s step number one. I think I will TRY to have a two episode buffer so that I am not panicking and rushing to publish, that’s step number two.

I’ve got a lot of time to think through my next serial, so I will make sure I don’t delay out of fear and instead only delay because the product isn’t ready to bring to market yet. I’ve missed being a reader so I’m going to spend some time enjoying catching up on my favorite reads before I dive too deep into writing another serial.

Those are really the two main changes—I think they’ll help fix a lot of smaller problems that could have been avoided by better planning.

And Now, The Q&A!

Michael S. Atkinson

asks:

One question does spring to mind: is Black Zaelland the only one of his kind in existence, or are there others? If I were James, I might want to check on that, just in case Gerard had some nasty backups hidden in the basement.

Yes, Black Zaelland is the only one! I’m torn on whether or not to explore his story more. I don’t want him to become an anti-hero—he’s meant to be big, bad, and scary! And part of keeping him that way is not showing the monster. But since he met his untimely demise, any other stories featuring Black Zaelland will have to take place in the past. At some point I’ll hammer out a timeline for him.

If you liked Black Zaelland as a character, check out his debut story, Bounty Hunt!

Jason Link

asks:

My questions: is this the same universe as Sandbox Earth? Also, will James ever learn what kind of droid DB431 is?

It is indeed! The Sandbox Earth universe begins with the serial Sandbox Earth which describes humanities first contact with aliens and it’s first tentative steps towards space. This is the starting point for my entire science fiction universe.

For more about this universe, you can check out this Worldbuilding Historical Memo, and it’s worth noting that The Selected Letters of Armin Tolor is also within the Sandbox Earth universe.

James DOES know what kind of droid DB431 is. I didn’t give a lot of description, but there’s a hint of it in the prequel, Nameless, which I linked above. DB431 is a detective droid and has a clue-scanner as a kind of third eye set in his face.

SDG Lemaître

asks:

My question: how much do you modify the story as you go along in response to readers’ comments? Like, do you have everything planned out and you stick to that, or do you add things or change things on the fly?

You probably saw the answer to this in the review above. I didn’t modify a lot; I had a general idea of how I wanted the story to go. But I was iffy on whether or not DB431 would live, so after seeing everyone’s reaction to him, y’all pushed me over the edge!

I generally try NOT to adjust the story based on reader comments—but there are little things I can do as hat-tips or nods, like with DB431, that don’t alter the plot but do make readers happy!

Skeptic Fail

asked a couple questions:

Question: Who was your favorite character or what was your favorite scene to write?

I’m going to answer this as an “AND” question not an “OR” question. My favorite Character was Black Zaelland, honestly. I was most excited about giving him a big silver-screen cinematic battle, and I’m a LITTLE sad I killed him—but it was necessary for this story. James was fun and cool, and especially once I connected him to “Old Man Mackerel” In the unfinished serial The Adventures of Tylus Worran, it was a lot of fun to explore that connection. DB431 was a lot of fun to write, too—but I think Black Zaelland is a character I’m most PROUD of, because of his history preceding this serial.

My favorite scene to write, consequently, were scenes with Black Zaelland. I think the chase/showdown scenes were fun to write, and the scene where Black Zaelland is revealed, where DB431 gets shot—that was exciting to write. I don’t know how many of you went into this serial knowing who Black Zaelland was, but I had the energy writing (and I hope this energy came through in reading) of a big cinematic cameo, pulling the curtain away and the audience gasps! That’s what that moment was like for me, and whether it came through that way or not it was a moment that was a thrill to create.

And my question... in an alternate universe, what were some other possible endings you had considered writing, and why did you go with this one?

I AGONIZED over the final confrontation with Gerard. Options included James-kills-Gerard, Gerard-shoots-James, Gerard-shoots-himself, Gerard-calls-James’-bluff. That single moment was make or break for the whole serial in my mind. This option made the most sense for what Gerard prioritized, and my regret is that I wasn’t able to set that up with readers.

The only other major flux-point in the story that I can think of is whether Black Zaelland shoots James or DB431 at that pivotal scene. If he shot James—he’s an assassin, I’d need a really good reason for him to miss. If he shot DB431 on purpose, then there’s the same problem. But fishtailing out and having Zaelland shoot DB431 on accident, while aiming for James, ended up being the best way for me to keep the story moving forward. James wouldn’t be able to do much with a bullet wound in his side and even less with a bullet wound in his head. And if DB431 was going to die, this probably would have been where it happened. I think we are all happiest with the outcome I chose!

Also, where did you get the names from?

Well, I have to confess, after I published Nameless and I was thinking about what to do with these cool new characters that showed up, I watched the movie Quantum of Solace—in the Daniel Craig James Bond series.

That movie gives us this scene:

I…uh, didn’t have to change much. This is pretty much where “Bergenz” comes from. I don’t know exactly why I chose Gerard or George. Their names fit the characters, in an odd sort of way. Likewise with Bridgett.

You’ll be surprised to learn that I did not make the McElroy → Mackerel connection until later, it was a complete coincidence but I’m glad I did, because it allowed me to connect some of my universe together.

DB431 as we know I derived from “Detective bot” but now canonically can be construed as “Droid Buddy”.

Lastly, not a question, but

T. Dalton Wolf

left this comment:

The only thing missing that I wanted to see was a final line which read: “James McElroy will return in _______.”

Good news! James McElroy’s old age is explored in the as yet unfinished serial, The Adventures of Tylus Worran, and now that DB431 has survived I need to rewrite DB431 into it. But there’s a LOT of time between Duel and Tylus—Tylus is Tyrone’s grandson, and Tylus’ Father (Tyrone’s son) is only 9 years old at the time of Duel. So I have a feeling we will see what James McElroy gets up to while figuring out his new life on Koslov.

Thank You

Writing this has left me with MORE things on my mind to write, not less. And that’s because you all made it so fun, gave me so many ideas, and have encouraged and inspired me like never before. Duel is for you—when it gets a novelization that’ll be in the dedication. You made this fun for me, and I am very grateful.

Thank you for reading this long and rambling post-op article, and I hope you got some useful tips or just plain enjoyment out of reading it.

Thank you so much for reading—and God bless you all!

Sincerely,

-Scoot

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