Letters From Armin: With Shaking Hands

Selected Letters of Armin R. Tolor, No. 9

This is Selected Letters of Armin R. Tolor, a serial which will release every three weeks. To catch up on past letters, see The Index. For information on the illustrations, see the footnote¹

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Dear Mary,

We have just returned from the wedding at South Legrange of Ella to Georg. We returned and your letter was the first thing I read. It was so good to hear from you—the family and friends all missed you and many asked after you. It didn’t feel complete without you there—though I know you would say you were there in prayer.

Ella looked every bit the queen in her gown, and Georg looked like King for the day. The Duke was trapped by Father and due to courtesy was unable to extricate himself. Father looked quite disappointed—I think he proposed a solution to the Maristo affair, but too late. Mediation is ongoing and the King is personally invested. Nothing but the status quo can result, with a few extra controls for safety and prevention of conflict. In my conversations, I gleaned that the King views this conflict as a failure of the Viceroy as much as a failure of the Duke and as much as a failure of the Counts both involved. Blood has been spilled, and the King loathes frivolous spilling of blood, and even more so loathes the spilling of the blood of his own subjects. It is reassuring to hear such things, even secondhand, from the King. Yet, Father is ever ambitious to overplay his hand. With one hand he gives away his daughter to the Duke, with the other he seeks to rival the Duke in power.

Parting from Ella, who will now take up residence in the Ducal court, was bittersweet for different reasons. She is my sister, and I am sad to be parted from her; she is a tyrant in the making, and I am glad to be far from her. Hopefully time mellows her ambitions—but anyway she is the Duke’s problem now.

With love very much in the air at the wedding, I could not help but think about Catherine. I wrote her a letter, while I was there—with shaking hands, drunk on illusions of love. I hope to both dissuade her forever, and simultaneously hope to convince her to stay. I still cannot fathom how I have managed to become the object of her affections, and with all my faults and shortcomings she deserves to be happy. Would I make her happy? With this letter I hope to resolve that question.

I don’t remember what I wrote—I sealed the letter and brought it back with me. I’ve delivered it with your letter, and I commend to God the outcome. Perhaps I am overplaying my own hand—perhaps I am trying to pick fruit from a tree which is not yet ripe. Perhaps I am too late, and the fruit died on the vine. It’s impossible to tell.

I thought about marrying her. There are challenges to that road—her family is untitled, surely our parents would condemn such a union. I would deny Father of yet another child for his carefully orchestrated plans. But as the junior son, whose inheritance would be meager at best, I don’t see any real obstacle. Father’s fixation has always been on Lars. Ella has always been his rival. Lars can be formed, but to father Ella must be beaten.

Are other families like this, or just ours?

Your loving brother,

-Armin

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1. Illustrations were created on commission by

The Chronicler

. If you are interested in commissioning the Chronicler to create artwork for your own project, see this page HERE.